Masculinity and casual sex

NOTE:This page expresses my philosophy of casual sex and talks about what I’m into. For photos and video clips that illustrate my idea of fun, click here. (Now available for cam shows! Contact me for details.)

When I hook up with a guy, I’m chasing after my vision of masculinity. For some guys, masculinity is signified by accidents of nature such as having a huge cock or a hairy body or the ability to grow an impressive beard. For others, it’s tied to mannerisms or the lack thereof. For me, it’s bound up in muscle and, in some cases, consensual violence. The act and results of building muscle, along with watching or engaging in some kind of aggressive physical contact — usually playfuly so — signify and embody the kinds of action-oriented masculinity that most turn me on.

My general message to clients is the same as for anyone looking for a physical connection with me: I fixate on muscle the way most(?) other gays fixate on dicks or assholes. This does not mean I only hook up with muscular guys — far from it — but rather that I love everything about muscle worship, which I consider one of the highest expressions and celebrations of masculinity around. I love being the bigger/stronger guy, the smaller/weaker guy or evenly matched with the other guy. (The bigger/stronger/more ripped guy’s body isn’t a critique of the other guy’s body, by the way. Both bodies are living sculptures that happen to look and function the way they do at a given time.)

I love dominating and being dominated. I have no wrestling skills but love to playfully “wrestle around.” I love giving and receiving bear hugs and testing each other’s strength. I love arm wrestling (again, no technique here). I love getting pounded in the abs and chest and will gladly reciprocate if the guy likes that too.

I love the pump all that exertion gives both our muscles, and I love feeling wiped out afterwards. If you consider that foreplay, you’re not doing it right.

Am I compensating for not having had a big brother and/or for not getting enough roughhousing as a kid? Probably, though I think there’s more to it than that.

Also adding to the intensity is that, although my fascination with muscle and strength is at the core of my sexuality, I remained closeted about it for years after coming out as a gay man. To this day, guys tell me “I thought I was the only one who felt that way” when they read my profile.

All I know is that simply working out alongside other men gives me a sexual charge that feels strangely healing. I watch YouTube videos of guys flexing or arm wrestling the way other guys watch porn. (None of what I’m into precludes liking to fuck women, by the way, which may explain why I usually take a guy’s word for it when he tells me he’s straight or bi while I flex for him and he pounds me in the abs. Fucking a woman and hitting me are probably pushing two very different buttons.)

I have a strong exhibitionist streak and recently started uploading XTube videos. My channel is
here. If we’re ever in the same town and you want to do one together (no need to show your face), let me know. (Clients are welcome to commission these and keep a copy of the footage.)

I think anal sex is overrated, especially in the context of casual sex. It has nothing to do with why I’m gay. I reject the notion that someone has to get fucked every time two people have sexual contact, though that’s the message most of us have gotten from straight people while growing up and is one that’s reinforced by most gay porn. Hooking up with me offers an alternative to that mindset.

This is not to say that many of the things guys rightly find hot about fucking — the chemistry between tops and bottoms, the experimentation involved in trying new positions, the dirty talk — can’t be brought to an encouter that doesn’t culminate in someone’s dick going up someone’s ass. Muscle scenes have their own physical and psychological equivalents to tops and bottoms, and in that respect I’m fully versatile.

I’m also big on frottage: rubbing my cock up against another guy’s bare skin, whatever the body part — between his legs, along his backside or stomach, etc. — and good old-fashioned jacking off. (Somehow the term “mutual masturbation” bogs down in its own clinical tone.) My nipples are perhaps my best feature and my No. 1 erogenous zone. I’m openminded on kink and some types of bondage if the chemistry is there and the right level of trust has been established.

In addition to being about as safe as physical contact gets, the above turn-ons dovetail with my philosophy of casual sex — that, depending on our choices, it can be an alienating and potentially risky experience or a powerful type of male bonding that can trigger emotions ranging from the ecstatic to the cathartic. I am interested in doing the latter, because I believe casual sex can rise to the level of art if we bring that intention to it.